The Chariot Card: My Value Is No Longer Created By What I Make, But By What I Create
The first essay in my Major Arcana series - how painting The Chariot taught me to stop waiting for permission to call myself an artist.
It’s hard to put into words how much expansion my soul has experienced over the past year, and honestly, I didn’t think I fully understood it until I created The Chariot card.
The Chariot card is about taking the reins of your life and moving forward regardless. It doesn’t ask you to pause; it asks you to leap forward. The Chariot isn’t an easy card because doing what makes your soul happy usually requires confronting your fears, your doubts, your insecurities, and taking them head-on.
Before we took our three-month break around Europe in January, my main wish was simply to find a place to live. After living in a leaky, rotting, structurally broken cabin for two whole years, getting married and paying off half of my debt, my soul craved safety and security. Yet, it also craved travel and expansion.
So my husband, Dave, and I travelled through Spain, Portugal and France. I spent my days painting, journaling, exploring and building the Tarot & Tea Print Club. It was spectacular and for the first time in a long time I wasn’t juggling five different hustles.
When we returned in April, although I missed the beaches and parks, the next stage of my journey was to find somewhere to live. We got incredibly lucky because I met a wonderful soul on my journey, Alicia.
A year earlier, I remember saying to Dave, “I think we’ll end up living in a back house through someone I meet or know.”
Alicia came to my exhibition in November and we clicked instantly. Like attracts like. She told me she had a back house available from May onwards.
Like magic.
I got everything I had asked for... except I had changed over the course of those few months.
Travelling had expanded my soul in ways I could never have imagined. I had outgrown this dream and The Chariot reminded me of that. Now I wanted somewhere a little quieter, a little bigger but to get there I knew I had to push through my next few blocks. So I needed to put on my armour and grab my sword.
The Chariot card begged me to ask:
“Do I keep surviving?”
Or do I start becoming?
When we got back I felt like I was trying to put on an old pair of trousers. They were a little tight, a little too long, and they just didn’t suit me anymore.
Everything looked the same.
I looked the same.
But I felt different.
I didn’t want to go back to surviving and working five side hustles at the same time. I’m really not built for a 9-to-5 job. What my soul craved was safety, security and the undeniable freedom that comes with following your passions.
So I asked for a sign.
A purple butterfly.
I came up with three distinct paths. Funnily enough, I chose the purple butterfly to represent pursuing art full-time because I thought I’d probably never see one.
That same day while creating The Moon card, it was there on my mood board.
Unknowingly I’d chosen a tarot card for inspiration earlier that day and right in the middle of it was a beautiful purple butterfly on The Chariot card.
Since then, I’ve seen purple butterflies everywhere.
Every single day I see one.
A humble reminder from the universe to keep pursuing my dreams.
In traditional tarot, The Chariot features a black and white sphinx.
In my version, I painted a black horse and a white horse.
The Shadow Horse.
The Light Horse.
Over the past eight weeks of working with The Chariot’s energy, I have dealt with the heaviness and burdens of the black horse.
Despite deciding to become a full-time artist, I still have rent and bills to pay.
I still need to get by.
So I took on my usual side hustles: graphic design gigs and childminding.
Suddenly, I wasn’t just creating anymore.
I was packing orders.
Answering emails.
Photographing artwork.
Making business decisions.
Through this frustration however, I realised that if I wanted to make it as an artist I needed to start trying new platforms.
Social media was frustrating me a lot because despite spending one to two hours on it every day I felt like I was getting nowhere.
So I started listing my work on Vinted, thinking it might make me a little extra money.
In just seven short weeks I’ve made nearly €400 selling oracle decks and mini art prints.
For the first time...
Strangers valued my artwork.
As busy as it’s been, those evenings spent packing orders have made my soul incredibly happy.
I went from feeling worthless and believing my art wasn’t good enough to having customers who genuinely value and love my work.
As mentioned, it’s been busy.
It’s become the norm to work from 6:30am until 11pm, especially on the days when I have childminding, post office runs, packing and printing.
Painting became something I almost couldn’t do.
Night after night I would sit there and stare at the canvas.
I felt so blocked.
So much resistance.
It just wasn’t flowing.
As much as I blamed my external environment it was all internal.
I think the resistance came from the fear of being seen that I’d carried with me into every other aspect of my life.
I was finally breaking down walls and saying out loud:
Yes I do want and deserve to make money as a full-time artist.
When I was younger I was told I’d never make it as an artist.
This felt new.
Strange.
Scary.
Painting means people can see me.
The real me.
And that is something worth fighting for.
So I sat at that desk, night after night, and painted.
Just two short days before the deadline... The Chariot card was finished.
When Vinted became busy, I realised I was earning more than I was as a graphic designer which allowed me to let go of my main clients.
Honestly this was a huge leap because they were draining my energy.
They were texting me on weekends, in the evenings and taking up precious time that I could have spent painting or working on my own business.
As scary as it was, I have no regrets.
I let go of my €11.11 readings and now only offer my main €30 Oracle Guidance Readings.
I realised my energy deserves to be paid properly.
I doubled the price of Print Club from €16 to €30.
I extended the timeline in which I create each piece.
I accepted that in order to make it as an artist I also have to make time for marketing, admin, photography and business decisions.
But I also have to leave space to create absolute magic through painting, journaling and spending time outdoors.
Most of all I realised that even though I don’t yet earn a full-time income as an artist, that doesn’t mean I’m not an artist.
My income is no longer tied to my worth.
Nor should it be.
Do you know what my least favourite question is?
“What do you do for a living?”
I’ve started replying:
“I’m a full-time artist.”
Because my value is no longer created by what I make.
It’s created by what I create.
And boy have I created some incredibly valuable pieces.
No one gets to take that away from me.
If you take anything from this, let it be this:
Go for your dreams.
Even if they’re scary.
Even if you’re afraid to be seen.
Because the alternative is not to.
And trust me, your body has a funny way of letting you know when you’re living a life that doesn’t align with who you truly are.
The Chariot didn’t teach me to become an artist.
It taught me to stop waiting for permission to call myself one.
So, my beautiful soul...
Take your crystal sword.
Put on your armour.
And go out there.
Your light horse is waiting.
I’ll see you on the other side of the castle with open arms, because I’m right there with you.
💜🦋
The Chariot
The finished Chariot painting from my Tarot & Tea Print Club.
💜
A little note from me
This reflection was written after completing The Chariot, the latest artwork in my Tarot & Tea Print Club. Every eight weeks I create a new Major Arcana painting, alongside a personal essay and tarot teachings inspired by the card and my own journey while creating it.
If you’d like to support my work as I continue developing this deck or collect The Chariot artwork for yourself, I’d love to welcome you.
You can explore the Print Club at:
Thank you for supporting independent artists. It truly means more than you know.
With love always,
Laura 🦋
Artist, writer & creator of Inner Wild Fire